Hosting & planning
Friend of a friend? Why I started approving who comes to my parties
By the Afters team · Updated · 3 min read
I like a party that grows. A friend brings a friend, who brings the person who ends up teaching everyone a card game at 2am. Those people have made some of my favourite nights.
But my last party link travelled further than I did. By eleven there were people in my kitchen who did not know anyone, including, briefly, me. Nothing bad happened. I just wanted to know who I was letting in.
Turning on approval felt rude, until it didn’t
For the next party I turned on join approval. Anyone with the link can still ask to come in; I just say yes first. I worried it would feel cold. It didn’t, mostly because of one small thing: people can add a note to their request.
“Ana’s colleague, I’m bringing her cake.” “Met you at Tom’s wedding, you made me dance.” A name on its own told me nothing; a name with one sentence told me everything. I approved almost everyone within seconds.
The little red dot did the remembering
When requests were waiting, a red dot sat on my Invite people button. I didn’t have to keep checking; I just answered when I saw it. The request notification even quoted the note, so I often approved from my lock screen.
One request had no note and a name I didn’t know. I asked around in the party chat, and it turned out to be my neighbour, using a nickname. Approved, with apologies for the scrutiny.
The party still grew, on purpose
On the night the flat was full, but full of people somebody knew. Approving everyone took me about five minutes across the whole week. The card game happened again at 2am, taught by a friend of a friend I had approved on a Tuesday because her note said “I bring card games”.
Questions people ask
Can guests explain who they are when they ask to join?
Yes. With approval on, anyone asking to join can add a short note (up to 140 characters), which the host sees on the request and in the notification.
Do people I invite directly need approval?
No. People you, the host, invite join when they accept. Invitations sent by guests still go through your approval if it is on.
Is join approval free?
Inviting and sharing are free for every host. Approving who gets in, and removing people, are part of Afters Pro.
Keep reading
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